TTC... Yet again

So we started trying again this month... I'm scared and hopeful at the same time. I'm scared of being disappointed.. Of having to wait months and months with no positive results in the end. I recently lost 20+ pounds, changed my eating habits. Got into a regular exercise routine and with those changes, I felt and seen my body change, in a good way.

I don't want our life to be robotic. Must make a baby.. Must make a baby.. Have to have sex on these days.. That's not a way to live. It puts unnecessary pressure on us both. I wish we could be that couple to just wing it. Clearly that didn't work in the past.

So I have a goal. I would like to lose another 20-40 pounds by October. It could totally happen! If I'm not pregnant by October, then I will be back to the doctor and take a more serious approach to my infertility.

What else is there.. I turned 30 on Saturday. So far my goals of having and being done with having kids by 30 was botched and tossed out the window.

AF is due today.. I tested yesterday, first one malfunctioned. Second was a negative but it could be early right? Always the optimist. I think I'll wait until tomorrow to test again...